🌿 **On “Normality”, ADHD, and Not Quite Belonging: A Therapist’s Reflection***(London & Online Therapy)*

There is a quiet question that sits underneath many conversations in therapy.

Am I normal?

It is not always asked directly.

Sometimes it appears as self-doubt, comparison, or a feeling of being slightly outside of things without fully understanding why.

In my work as a therapist in London and through online therapy, I often meet people who carry this question quietly, especially those who identify as neurodivergent or have ADHD.

The idea of “normal”

We often speak about normal as if it is something fixed.

But when you look more closely, it becomes less clear.

Normal compared to what?

And according to whom?

What we call normal is shaped by:

• social expectations

• cultural norms

• systems that value certain behaviours over others

• ideas about productivity, focus, and emotional control

Many of these expectations do not take neurodiversity into account.

ADHD, neurodiversity, and feeling “out of place”

For many people with ADHD or other forms of neurodiversity, there is a long-standing sense of not quite fitting.

This might feel like:

• struggling with focus in environments that demand constant attention

• feeling overwhelmed by noise, light, or busy spaces

• needing movement, flexibility, or variation

• thinking or responding differently from those around you

These are not flaws.

They are differences in how the brain processes and responds.

But in environments built around a narrow definition of “normal”, these differences can become visible very quickly.

When difference is met with misunderstanding

The difficulty is not only in being different, but in how that difference is received.

Many people with ADHD or neurodivergent traits experience:

• being labelled as lazy, disorganised, or not trying hard enough

• having their needs dismissed or misunderstood

• being expected to adapt constantly without support

• subtle exclusion in social or professional spaces

These experiences can be understood as microaggressions.

They are often small and repeated, but over time they shape how a person sees themselves.

The pressure to appear “normal”

When difference is not understood, adaptation becomes necessary.

You might begin to:

• mask your natural responses

• overthink how you come across

• push yourself to meet expectations that do not suit you

• hide parts of yourself to avoid judgement

Many people with ADHD describe this as exhausting.

It creates a gap between who you are and how you present yourself.

The emotional impact

Over time, this can lead to:

• anxiety and social fatigue

• low self-esteem

• burnout

• a sense of not fully knowing yourself

It can begin to feel as though something is wrong with you.

But often, these responses are shaped by environments that were not designed with neurodiversity in mind.

A different way of understanding “normal”

What if normal is not a standard you need to meet?

What if it is simply a narrow range that has been prioritised?

From this perspective, ADHD and neurodiversity are not problems to fix, but ways of being that require different conditions in order to thrive.

The question begins to shift.

Not “How do I become normal?”

But “What supports me best?”

Therapy for ADHD and neurodiversity

Therapy can offer a space where you do not need to adapt in the same way.

Working with a therapist in London or through online therapy can help you:

• understand how ADHD or neurodiversity shows up in your life

• explore the impact of masking and being misunderstood

• rebuild self-trust and self-acceptance

• develop ways of working with your mind, rather than against it

Many people come to therapy not because something is “wrong”,

but because they are tired of trying to fit into systems that do not support them.

Closing reflection

There is nothing unusual about feeling like you do not quite belong.

For many people with ADHD or neurodiversity, this feeling is not random.

It is shaped by years of trying to exist in environments that do not fully recognise or accommodate difference.

You do not need to become someone else.

Perhaps the work is to understand yourself more deeply

and to begin finding spaces where you no longer feel the need to hide.