**On “Normality”: A Therapist’s Reflection with a Wider Lens***(London & Online Therapy)*

There is a question that appears quietly in many forms.

Am I normal?

It is rarely asked directly.

More often, it is felt.

In comparison to others.

In moments of self-doubt.

In the sense of being slightly out of place without fully knowing why.

In my work as a therapist in London and through online therapy, this question often sits just beneath the surface, especially for those who identify as neurodivergent or live with ADHD.

The idea of “normal” has a history

We often speak about normal as if it has always existed.

But it has not.

There was a time when difference was understood more in terms of balance than correctness. Across many cultures, health was seen as a relationship between the individual and their environment, not a fixed standard to meet.

The idea of a single “normal” way of being developed much later.

As societies became more industrialised, there was a growing need for standardisation. People began to be measured, compared, and organised around averages.

From there, something subtle but significant happened.

Average became expected.

Expected became normal.

And anything outside of that began to be seen as deviation.

When normal becomes a standard

Once normal is treated as a standard, it does more than describe.

It begins to define.

It shapes:

• what is considered acceptable behaviour

• how attention, productivity, and emotion are judged

• who is seen as functioning well

• who is seen as needing to change

These ideas still influence how we understand ourselves today.

Often without us realising it.

ADHD, neurodiversity, and the limits of “normal”

For people with ADHD or other forms of neurodiversity, this standard can feel particularly restrictive.

Many environments are built around expectations such as:

• sustained attention

• stillness

• consistency

• linear thinking

These do not reflect the full range of how human minds work.

When someone does not fit into these expectations, the difference becomes visible.

Not because it is wrong,

but because it is measured against a narrow frame.

When difference becomes something to fix

Historically, this has led to a tendency to treat difference as a problem within the individual.

To diagnose, correct, or normalise.

But there is another way of understanding this.

One that suggests difficulty often arises not from the person alone,

but from the interaction between the person and their environment.

This shift changes the question.

From “What is wrong with you?”

to “What is not working here?”

The lived experience of not fitting

When you grow up or move through spaces where your way of being is not reflected, you begin to notice.

You might experience:

• feeling out of step with others

• being misunderstood or misinterpreted

• adapting your behaviour to fit expectations

• questioning your own responses

Over time, this can lead to a quiet sense of being othered.

Not always excluded,

but not fully at ease either.

The impact over time

Living within a standard that does not reflect you can shape how you see yourself.

It can lead to:

• self-doubt

• masking or over-adapting

• anxiety or exhaustion

• a sense of disconnection

It becomes easy to assume that the issue is personal.

But often, it is relational.

Between you and the systems around you.

A different perspective on normality

What if normal is not something fixed or universal?

What if it is something constructed, shaped by time, culture, and power?

From this perspective, not fitting into it is not a failure.

It is a reflection of diversity.

And perhaps something to be understood rather than corrected.

Therapy as a space to step outside the standard

Therapy can offer a space where these questions can be explored more freely.

Working with a therapist in London or online can support you to:

• understand how ideas of normal have shaped your self-perception

• explore your experience of difference without judgement

• recognise the impact of environments that did not fit

• reconnect with a sense of self that is not defined by comparison

Closing reflection

The idea of normal can feel powerful.

But it is not neutral, and it is not fixed.

It has a history, and it continues to shape how we see ourselves and others.

If you have felt outside of it,

that does not mean something is wrong with you.

It may simply mean that you are seeing beyond a standard that was never designed to include everyone.